it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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