ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
