I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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