Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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