Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
