He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Semen is not good for contacts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
