Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
