mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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