hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
