you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
