if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
