Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I forget how to act sober
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
