The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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