thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
