dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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