Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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