she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
