Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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