he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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