Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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