Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
