Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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