I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
