benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
