He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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