when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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