so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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