we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
