watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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