You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize