I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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