I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
