I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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