I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
where are you?
Hypothermia
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
