If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
