your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
