i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
