Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
