I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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