I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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