They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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