A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
