And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
