you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
