Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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