508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
