I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
