she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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