I'm eating all of the evidence.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
