There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
