my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
