Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
