Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize