he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
