my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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