my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
