She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
