I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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