The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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