Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
