This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
