I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
