I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
