1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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