look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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