You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
