Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
