When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
